To be honest, I am having a hard time

I am trying to balance between my role as a woman, wife, mom, and friend. I am trying to spend as much time with my friends, one on one time with my husband, one on one time with Blake, and some alone time. I just can't seem to fit it all in and be satisfied. I feel like I am pulled in many directions and can't give a hundred percent to any of those. If I feel pulled now, I can't imagine how pulled I will feel in four months when the twins get here. I know my life and all of me will have to be devoted to the twins and Blake. But there has to be a way in the midst of all of that to not loose who I am as a friend, a daughter/sister, and a wife. I hate to see the other roles go wayside as I fulfill my duty as a mom. I am a bit perplexed and will be on a mission to hopefully figure this out before the twins get here!!!

Chirstmas with the Eltons

We had so much fun celebrating Christmas with my family. We celebrated Dec 23rd starting at 4:00. We walked into my mom and dad's house with the smell of yummy Italian food. They catered Portillos spaghetti with chicken parm, pompie chicken ravioli with this yummy stuffed pizza loaf, and sausage from portillos too. Janna made a walnut, cranberry, goat cheese salad to go along with the dinner. Everything tasted so scrumptious (as judith would say).

After dinner they crew sang Happy Birthday to me. Janna made a stunning huge cupcake with polka dots (so me). It was such an enjoyment to watch Blake sing the actual Happy Birthday song to me. He loved it and so did I!

Soon after happy birthday Richie was Santa and handed out gifts to all of us. The boys did so good waiting their turn to open gifts. Blake was totally into Christmas this year. He would sit on his knees, hands folded, and wait for Uncle Rich to call his name. He ripped opened the gifts and would hold them up. He learned very soon to make a pile of all his presents. All night he carried around his Wiggles and Toy Story 3 movie.

Soon it was time for my dad and mom to receive their gifts from us girls. We all pitched in to get them a new large screen TV. My mom cried and my dad was so grateful. They deserve a gift like that!!!

We were able to spend some time one on one with the Scottbergs before the rest of the family arrived. All the kids were downstairs and played video games with the guys, while us women were relaxing on the couch talking. Blake just had a hay day with Parker and Kent. He would run around, grab their hands, call their names, and just want to be by them!!! Blake's smile and squeals were so much fun to listen to through out the night.

While we were relaxing on the couch, I drank a huge glass of cold water hoping to get the little ones to move for my mom and Bethany. Nope...they didn't move. Soon through they will move for others to feel.

It hit 7 o'clock and the Mang family came. It got rowdy, loud, and energetic in the room. The kids just ran and ran and ran around. I love this year listening to the joy the kids got by playing with one another and being with each other. I guess because now Blake is apart of the "clan"

Santa came to our house at 7:30. Troy Kibler dressed up as Santa and walked into the house by the walkway. Someone yelled to the kids look outside look whose walking. All the kids ran to the window..I wish I could have taken a picture of all the little faces peering through the window to get a look at Santa. Soon Santa came in the front door and was greeted by adults and kids. The kids would go to him and look at him and then run away.

Santa was kind enough to sit in a chair and have all the kids sit on his lap. Parker, Nico, Gigi, and Wyatt did a pretty good job. Kent and Blake not so much into it. Pop Pop had to carry Kent and Blake to Santa. Kent sat on Santa lap, but Blake sat on Pop Pop's lap next to Santa. Blake wouldn't talk to Santa when it was his turn. Soon Santa was saying Merry Christmas to everyone, and Blake went up to him while Santa was sitting down...and his little voice said among the loud crowd, "I want Wiggles Santa" Oh my heart melted to see this little boy get the courage to talk to Santa so he made sure Santa knew what he wanted. I again of course didn't get a picture of it.

The kids had so much fun again opening more gifts with their cousins. This time Richie and Jason played Santa handing the gifts out to everyone. Blake did awesome waiting his turn. He sat on his knees again, bouncing up and down with his hands folded. He waited and waited....he would look at Richie and anticipated him calling his name out for a gift. There was one point that I looked at Blake and he was mouthing to Richie, "me, me, me" and pointing to himself. It touched my heart that he was so sweet about it. He wasn't screaming, yelling, or mad it wasn't his turn he waited paitently, but yet so excited!!!

After Santa left we of course had lots of dessert to munch on. We then played white elephant which was crazy and insane! No lie...it was so loud the babies were moving through the game. They could here the loud and craziness that they are about to be born into.

We left the night at 10'o'clock. I hated to leave. The night was so much fun and so enjoyable for me. It goes by way too fast. That's what I hate about times I look forward to...they come and go so quickly!

I really enjoyed this year seeing Blake run around with his cousins, hearing his laughter and squeals with the gifts he opened. It was different this year because I didn't have to watch him to discipline him, I was able to observe him having a Christmas that I knew when I was growing up...and in return I was able to enjoy family time more and seeing his face light up with all the gifts and company.

What a great 2010 Christmas!!!!

20 Week appointment

My 20 week appointment couldn't have gone any better. Jason was able to join me this time, so I was really happy to have his support. Whenever he comes with me to the dr. appoinments I feel supported and I feel like we are a team. So I throughly soaked in this moment!!!

The tech showed us the babies had changed positions last time we saw them and then confirmed (so did the dr) that we were having one of each. A boy and a girl to add to the Sidell household. Even as I type that we are having one of each, it still blows my mind we are having twins. NEver in my wildest dreams would I think we would be chosen to parent, love, and raise these two precious lives.

The results of the ultrasound were great. Reid is 13 oz and Tatum is 12 oz. Reid measured at 21 week and four days or so...Tatum measured at 20 days and 1 day. The dr wasn't concerned at all with the distance of days between the two. As the dr. scanned the babies, he showed us the nasel passage had been delveoped and that the limbs measured well. He looks for those things because he said that by doing so it shows that the babies are developing well and there are no signs of down syndrome. He said the babies look great and this is the way you would want your appointment to go. We were thrilled at the good news!!!!

Once again we are getting all these picture of Reid adn not too many of Tatum. I am more than half way there!!!!! If all goes well, I will deliver at 38 wks!!! 18 weeks to go and I know it will fly by!!!!! So much to get done and take care of before these little ones enter our lives and our homes.

So this is how I need to be

Oh how I needed to read this....as I carry and await the arrival of the twins.

Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart." Luke 2:51NIV)

Devotion:
Not much is known about Mary, the mother of Jesus. It is obvious from the Scriptures that she was a young girl who loved God and was willing to obey Him at all costs. We don't know how God chose her to be the mother of His Son — we just know He did. Her response to the angel when she finds out about God's plan for her is our first clue as to why God knew she would be a great mother for Jesus: "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38, NIV). Recently, my children and I were reading in Luke where Jesus goes missing as a young teen, and His parents find Him in the temple. After searching for three days! As parents, we panic if we lose track of our child for a few minutes in a store. Can you imagine searching a city for three days for your 13 year-old son?


When they finally found Jesus, He was in the temple and wondered what all the fuss was about. The Scripture says that He told them He was where He should be, in His Father's house. "But they did not understand what He was saying to them" (Luke 2:50, NIV).

As my children and I read this passage, I tried to put myself in Mary's shoes. Her son had been missing. I am sure she vacillated between trusting God and panicking. And this was how I know that I would not have been a candidate for the Mother of Jesus award: as I tried to picture my reaction to finding Jesus in the temple after searching for three days, I pictured myself joyous and relieved. Then I pictured those feelings giving way to anger and questions.


Okay, so that was before the days of cell phones. He truly had no way to let His parents know where He was. But why didn't He stay with them in the first place? I got angry for Mary! And then I read the next verse: "But His mother treasured all these things in her heart" (Luke 2:51b, NIV).

The last time we saw Mary treasuring an event in her heart was right after her son was born. Once again, things were not going the way I would have wanted. She had given birth in a cold stable in dingy surroundings. Again, I was reminded of how accepting of her circumstances she was, and how her attitude reflected that. Our verse for today reminds us of a young woman at peace with her circumstances, trusting God no matter how things would work out. Fast forward 13 years later and she is still that kind, gentle woman — no yelling at Jesus, no threats, no yanking Him by the ear when they finally find Him. Instead, the Scriptures tell us that she treasured "all these things." Would I have been able to treasure that dirty stable? Would I have been able to treasure that seemingly errant teen? As I pondered these two times where Mary is seen treasuring her circumstances, I began to wonder how often things go wrong in my life and I react instead of reflect. So I'm allowing these two Scriptures to seep into my heart. Is my attitude, "May it be to me as You have said," or is it, "Okay, God, this is not the way it's supposed to be and I want You to fix it right away."

Finally

At 19 wks and 4 days Jason finally felt the babies move. Night after night I have had him put his hand on me hoping he would feel them. Finally tonight he was able to feel one of them move. It was prob Reid because it was on my right side. Jason's reaction was a huge smile and chuckle...it was so fun!!!!

19 wk

I went to my normal OB today. I measured at 24 wks and she saw the heartbeats on the ultrasound. She said that one baby (I think it's Tatum) Is breech with her feet in my lower belly and the other baby (I think Reid) is sideways, so babies are feet to feet. That would explain why I feel all my movement in one spot. Anyways, everything appeared to be doing good thus far. Next week's ultrasound at the hospital is a big appointment for us. There we will look at spine, heart, brain, weight, size, exc. I can't wait to hear..hopefully they aren't too far apart in growth and are doing really well.

Yesterday I decided that I was going to wrap gifts during Blake's nap time. That meant my usual time to read the Bible wasn't able to happen. I decided to listen to the Bible study online. One thing that hit me was something I have grown up and heard my whole life, " what Satan meant for harm, God intended it for good" (Gen 50)

I was very encouraged by that because I feel like the Lord was talking to me. What satan meant to harm me....with twins there is more stress, lack of sleep, marriages have a higher risk of spliting up with twins, family disunity, exc. But I know that God will make good out of it and will bless us with what Satan wanted to harm and cause bad in our lives.

Looking forward the many blessings twins will bring.

18 wks with the babes

Today I was able to see Reid and Tatum on the ultrasound. The tech again said she believes we have one of each. Tatum was much more active this time around and Reid even nudged Tatum. Reid still seems to be a party animal and constantly moving.

I do not feel much movement. Here in there, maybe three times a week I will feel something. I am looking forward to the next three weeks where I will begin to feel much more defined little nudges from these two.

The dr. did an exam and said my risk for pre term labor is low. He said that means I will deliver most likely at 38 weeks. I know that I will be very uncomfortable and I will be huge, yet I will be grateful to hopefully be able to bring them straight home from the hospital. Things can always change, but that is my hope.

I have gained lots of weight...20pounds. It's more than I should gain at this point! I eat rather healthy. I have a salad everyday....I crave those! For about three weeks straight I was eating egg salad everyday. I am over that for now and into eating a cheese sandwhich with mustard on it. I love having baked cheetos after my lunch and into a glass of cold chocolate milk everyday. I usually have a pudding cup in the afternoon as well. I eat fiber one cereal and a tad bit of coffee every morning.

My clothes are fitting fine, well I should say maternity clothes. Although I am now thinking I am going to need more mediums as my pregnancy progresses. With Blake I wore all smalls. Oh well with two in the womb I am bound to be bigger.

I have tried working out. I do enjoy it, the problem is I like to rest when Blake is resting and don't want to get up in the morning cause I know in just four and half months I will have to get up early with babies. I want to enjoy my rest and sleep when I can.

It was great to see the babies today and see how active they are although I can't feel it. I go back in two weeks for a two hour appointment where they check the babies growth, weight, spine, EC.

Blakers

This is Blake's 3rd Christmas, yet the first one that he is really getting into.

We went to the mall Nov. 21st and had our picture taken with Santa. Because I think he is understanding who Santa is, he was a bit scared but eventually warmed up to him. Blake told him all the stuff he wanted for Christmas (wiggles, toy story, shrek).

For my moms Gingerbread house contest this year, he actually was into making/eating the gingerbread house. He did a great job of biting the candy first and then putting it on his house.

He is into watching Christmas movies on TV at night when daddy gets home. We usually play and then at the end we watch a Christmas movie with the Christmas tree on.

Every morning when he wakes up he asks for "special juice." I usually give him a tiny bit of "egg nog" and then when we watch our movie at night I give him some more "special juice".

He loves loves loves his advent calender this year. He points to it on the counter and says "can i do it?" I like it cause we learn to identify numbers on it...he does pretty good with it.

Blake wasn't too much into decorating the tree this year. We let him put on ornaments, but instead he wanted to play. He put on about three ornaments and that was it.

I took Blake Christmas shopping with me this year and told him the gifts were for his nephews so he wouldn't know that they were bought for him.

I love this little boy! I love how he is getting Christmas and soon we will be talking about Jesus' birthday this Christmas season. I want to read it to him every night so it sinks in just as much as Santa does.

Random: Blake has lately been into Calliou, Wiggly Waffle show, playing with his play food, and using the words : goodness and delicious.