Saturday, April 5, 2008

My heart brakes


I love my little boy so much! I would do anything for him. I worry about him constantly and dream huge things for him. When the doctor told me to keep an eye on his lower lip, my heart sunk. The doctor doesn't know if it's a muscular problem or swollen. I notice when Blake smiles at times his lip lowers and sinks a bit...it doesn't stay symmetrical like it should. I can't help but keep in my mind and keep thinking of my son having some muscular problems. My fear is that it shows up in his lower lip now, and then more muscular problems down the road. I want to enjoy this life and this precious gift that God has given Jason and me, but it's so hard right now with everything going on. I have to know that every good and perfect gift comes from above. I have to lean on the Lord and know that I have done nothing wrong to cause Blake to have these problems, but this is part of how God has created him. I also can't let Satan steal the joy of the life that has been entrusted to me. What a lesson I am learning right now. Trust in the Lord when things are beyond your control. Find joy in circumstances when you don't have the power to change them. I hope I learn these lessons very soon and keep them with me through out the years that I raise Blake.

12 comments:

Gina said...

Isn't he just a doll!!! Sharon, if it is not one thing it sure is another for you guys! It sounds like you are right on track with keeping your mind of God's Word, the truth will continue to lead you and guide you and help you overcome the negative thoughts that Satan will put in your mind.

Megan said...

I know my mom struggled with seeing me hurting. I know Blake may not be hurting, but you know that something may be wrong hurts you. My mom at times felt like it was her fault for my heart condition and at times she got angry because she couldn't fix it. God gave her the strength to understand that this isn't her fault and all she can do is pray. That is what you are doing! Keep praying. He is a great gift from God and I LOVED what you said... DON'T LET THE DEVIL STEAL YOUR JOY! God just gave you the best gift in the world. You and Blake both deserve to be happy. No matter what he has going on. :} He is perfect in God's eyes and your eyes. That is all that matters! Stay strong. I am still praying for you daily!

Bethany Patrice said...

The day Blake was born, we were waiting to go into the room to see you and meet him for the first time. To pass the minutes, I was looking at all the babies in the nursery. One baby in particular caught my attention...he was a beautiful baby. I thought to myself, "This baby has the perfect shaped head, the most beautiful complexion, and every feature is adorable." Then, I looked at the name tag..Blake Sidell, it read.

I had no idea I was looking at my beautiful nephew. He was perfect on the day he was born, and the same holds true a week and a half later. That little boy melts my heart, and he is the best gift you and Jason have been blessed with.

Lana said...

Oh, I can't wait to hold that precious baby boy! He is BEAUTIFUL, Sharon! Blake is so blessed to have a Mommy and Daddy who trust the Lord in each and every detail concerning him and his well being. Even now, while you have to wait to know what is going on with his lip, you are teaching Blake through your faith that God is in control. Look up Psalm 22:9 in the NIV - AWESOME!! love you!

Judith and Lance said...

He is so precious. I love to see the pictures and can't wait to see him on Tuesday. Sure have missed our talks, next week should be back to normal for me. I've been praying for you and Blake specifically everyday. I do miss you and look forward to walks @ Catigny with our kids this Summer, MOMMA SHARON!!!

And, oh, I also worry about Bella's eyes that cross outwards, she'll probably have to have surgery when she is three and might cry blood tears... SO SCAR
Y. But, we just have to trust God with these things.

Cara said...

Sharoni, a lot of thoughts raced through my mind as I read your blog. First, I know how you feel to look at your baby and know that something is wrong and he could have a problem. Each time we brought Wyatt in the hospital he had his foot pricked to check his jaundice, I had to fight back the tears knowing that he was in pain. It took a longtime for his biliruben levels to go down and Noah and I couldn't help but think that he was never going to get better. I remember my pastor once saying "If you have no problems in your life, you must being something wrong because satan attacks the people on the right path more than he would those on the wrong path" You and Jason are strong in the Lord and are headed in the right direction which gives the devil even more reason to attack you. Remember to stomp on satan's head and remind him he has NO authority over your family. We love you and we will keep praying for you!!!

Janna Banana said...

i'm praying for my little nephew...and either way, he is absolutely perfect

Kelly Weinberg said...

You and Blake are both God's children and he is watching over you two! I am praying for you and believing for a healing for you and Blake!!

Leo said...

Seems like everyone has a story, but the same theme...God if faithful and in control. When they put Julia's harness body brace on when she was just two days old for her hips, I balled my eyes out! As we went to future appointments hearing that things were not getting better like we were praying and had to progress to a harsher brace, I had to continually thank God for her perfect health and a totally manageable situation that wasn't catching God by surprise...and you'd never guesslooking at her today! Blake is God's perfect creation!

Wendy Waltmire said...

that LEO comment was from me...not sure why I was signed in as my Dad???
Love you guys~ Wendy

Megan said...

Love yah girl! Hope you are hangin in there. Praying for you!!!

kdana said...

You are an amazing mother already. it's so great to hear updates and to hear that you are still relying on God to get you throug and protect your precious gift. God is still in control and has a plan. hang in there and if you get nervous at all and just need to vent, i am a call away.
love you