To be honest, I am having a hard time

I am trying to balance between my role as a woman, wife, mom, and friend. I am trying to spend as much time with my friends, one on one time with my husband, one on one time with Blake, and some alone time. I just can't seem to fit it all in and be satisfied. I feel like I am pulled in many directions and can't give a hundred percent to any of those. If I feel pulled now, I can't imagine how pulled I will feel in four months when the twins get here. I know my life and all of me will have to be devoted to the twins and Blake. But there has to be a way in the midst of all of that to not loose who I am as a friend, a daughter/sister, and a wife. I hate to see the other roles go wayside as I fulfill my duty as a mom. I am a bit perplexed and will be on a mission to hopefully figure this out before the twins get here!!!

Chirstmas with the Eltons

We had so much fun celebrating Christmas with my family. We celebrated Dec 23rd starting at 4:00. We walked into my mom and dad's house with the smell of yummy Italian food. They catered Portillos spaghetti with chicken parm, pompie chicken ravioli with this yummy stuffed pizza loaf, and sausage from portillos too. Janna made a walnut, cranberry, goat cheese salad to go along with the dinner. Everything tasted so scrumptious (as judith would say).

After dinner they crew sang Happy Birthday to me. Janna made a stunning huge cupcake with polka dots (so me). It was such an enjoyment to watch Blake sing the actual Happy Birthday song to me. He loved it and so did I!

Soon after happy birthday Richie was Santa and handed out gifts to all of us. The boys did so good waiting their turn to open gifts. Blake was totally into Christmas this year. He would sit on his knees, hands folded, and wait for Uncle Rich to call his name. He ripped opened the gifts and would hold them up. He learned very soon to make a pile of all his presents. All night he carried around his Wiggles and Toy Story 3 movie.

Soon it was time for my dad and mom to receive their gifts from us girls. We all pitched in to get them a new large screen TV. My mom cried and my dad was so grateful. They deserve a gift like that!!!

We were able to spend some time one on one with the Scottbergs before the rest of the family arrived. All the kids were downstairs and played video games with the guys, while us women were relaxing on the couch talking. Blake just had a hay day with Parker and Kent. He would run around, grab their hands, call their names, and just want to be by them!!! Blake's smile and squeals were so much fun to listen to through out the night.

While we were relaxing on the couch, I drank a huge glass of cold water hoping to get the little ones to move for my mom and Bethany. Nope...they didn't move. Soon through they will move for others to feel.

It hit 7 o'clock and the Mang family came. It got rowdy, loud, and energetic in the room. The kids just ran and ran and ran around. I love this year listening to the joy the kids got by playing with one another and being with each other. I guess because now Blake is apart of the "clan"

Santa came to our house at 7:30. Troy Kibler dressed up as Santa and walked into the house by the walkway. Someone yelled to the kids look outside look whose walking. All the kids ran to the window..I wish I could have taken a picture of all the little faces peering through the window to get a look at Santa. Soon Santa came in the front door and was greeted by adults and kids. The kids would go to him and look at him and then run away.

Santa was kind enough to sit in a chair and have all the kids sit on his lap. Parker, Nico, Gigi, and Wyatt did a pretty good job. Kent and Blake not so much into it. Pop Pop had to carry Kent and Blake to Santa. Kent sat on Santa lap, but Blake sat on Pop Pop's lap next to Santa. Blake wouldn't talk to Santa when it was his turn. Soon Santa was saying Merry Christmas to everyone, and Blake went up to him while Santa was sitting down...and his little voice said among the loud crowd, "I want Wiggles Santa" Oh my heart melted to see this little boy get the courage to talk to Santa so he made sure Santa knew what he wanted. I again of course didn't get a picture of it.

The kids had so much fun again opening more gifts with their cousins. This time Richie and Jason played Santa handing the gifts out to everyone. Blake did awesome waiting his turn. He sat on his knees again, bouncing up and down with his hands folded. He waited and waited....he would look at Richie and anticipated him calling his name out for a gift. There was one point that I looked at Blake and he was mouthing to Richie, "me, me, me" and pointing to himself. It touched my heart that he was so sweet about it. He wasn't screaming, yelling, or mad it wasn't his turn he waited paitently, but yet so excited!!!

After Santa left we of course had lots of dessert to munch on. We then played white elephant which was crazy and insane! No lie...it was so loud the babies were moving through the game. They could here the loud and craziness that they are about to be born into.

We left the night at 10'o'clock. I hated to leave. The night was so much fun and so enjoyable for me. It goes by way too fast. That's what I hate about times I look forward to...they come and go so quickly!

I really enjoyed this year seeing Blake run around with his cousins, hearing his laughter and squeals with the gifts he opened. It was different this year because I didn't have to watch him to discipline him, I was able to observe him having a Christmas that I knew when I was growing up...and in return I was able to enjoy family time more and seeing his face light up with all the gifts and company.

What a great 2010 Christmas!!!!

20 Week appointment

My 20 week appointment couldn't have gone any better. Jason was able to join me this time, so I was really happy to have his support. Whenever he comes with me to the dr. appoinments I feel supported and I feel like we are a team. So I throughly soaked in this moment!!!

The tech showed us the babies had changed positions last time we saw them and then confirmed (so did the dr) that we were having one of each. A boy and a girl to add to the Sidell household. Even as I type that we are having one of each, it still blows my mind we are having twins. NEver in my wildest dreams would I think we would be chosen to parent, love, and raise these two precious lives.

The results of the ultrasound were great. Reid is 13 oz and Tatum is 12 oz. Reid measured at 21 week and four days or so...Tatum measured at 20 days and 1 day. The dr wasn't concerned at all with the distance of days between the two. As the dr. scanned the babies, he showed us the nasel passage had been delveoped and that the limbs measured well. He looks for those things because he said that by doing so it shows that the babies are developing well and there are no signs of down syndrome. He said the babies look great and this is the way you would want your appointment to go. We were thrilled at the good news!!!!

Once again we are getting all these picture of Reid adn not too many of Tatum. I am more than half way there!!!!! If all goes well, I will deliver at 38 wks!!! 18 weeks to go and I know it will fly by!!!!! So much to get done and take care of before these little ones enter our lives and our homes.

So this is how I need to be

Oh how I needed to read this....as I carry and await the arrival of the twins.

Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart." Luke 2:51NIV)

Devotion:
Not much is known about Mary, the mother of Jesus. It is obvious from the Scriptures that she was a young girl who loved God and was willing to obey Him at all costs. We don't know how God chose her to be the mother of His Son — we just know He did. Her response to the angel when she finds out about God's plan for her is our first clue as to why God knew she would be a great mother for Jesus: "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38, NIV). Recently, my children and I were reading in Luke where Jesus goes missing as a young teen, and His parents find Him in the temple. After searching for three days! As parents, we panic if we lose track of our child for a few minutes in a store. Can you imagine searching a city for three days for your 13 year-old son?


When they finally found Jesus, He was in the temple and wondered what all the fuss was about. The Scripture says that He told them He was where He should be, in His Father's house. "But they did not understand what He was saying to them" (Luke 2:50, NIV).

As my children and I read this passage, I tried to put myself in Mary's shoes. Her son had been missing. I am sure she vacillated between trusting God and panicking. And this was how I know that I would not have been a candidate for the Mother of Jesus award: as I tried to picture my reaction to finding Jesus in the temple after searching for three days, I pictured myself joyous and relieved. Then I pictured those feelings giving way to anger and questions.


Okay, so that was before the days of cell phones. He truly had no way to let His parents know where He was. But why didn't He stay with them in the first place? I got angry for Mary! And then I read the next verse: "But His mother treasured all these things in her heart" (Luke 2:51b, NIV).

The last time we saw Mary treasuring an event in her heart was right after her son was born. Once again, things were not going the way I would have wanted. She had given birth in a cold stable in dingy surroundings. Again, I was reminded of how accepting of her circumstances she was, and how her attitude reflected that. Our verse for today reminds us of a young woman at peace with her circumstances, trusting God no matter how things would work out. Fast forward 13 years later and she is still that kind, gentle woman — no yelling at Jesus, no threats, no yanking Him by the ear when they finally find Him. Instead, the Scriptures tell us that she treasured "all these things." Would I have been able to treasure that dirty stable? Would I have been able to treasure that seemingly errant teen? As I pondered these two times where Mary is seen treasuring her circumstances, I began to wonder how often things go wrong in my life and I react instead of reflect. So I'm allowing these two Scriptures to seep into my heart. Is my attitude, "May it be to me as You have said," or is it, "Okay, God, this is not the way it's supposed to be and I want You to fix it right away."

Finally

At 19 wks and 4 days Jason finally felt the babies move. Night after night I have had him put his hand on me hoping he would feel them. Finally tonight he was able to feel one of them move. It was prob Reid because it was on my right side. Jason's reaction was a huge smile and chuckle...it was so fun!!!!

19 wk

I went to my normal OB today. I measured at 24 wks and she saw the heartbeats on the ultrasound. She said that one baby (I think it's Tatum) Is breech with her feet in my lower belly and the other baby (I think Reid) is sideways, so babies are feet to feet. That would explain why I feel all my movement in one spot. Anyways, everything appeared to be doing good thus far. Next week's ultrasound at the hospital is a big appointment for us. There we will look at spine, heart, brain, weight, size, exc. I can't wait to hear..hopefully they aren't too far apart in growth and are doing really well.

Yesterday I decided that I was going to wrap gifts during Blake's nap time. That meant my usual time to read the Bible wasn't able to happen. I decided to listen to the Bible study online. One thing that hit me was something I have grown up and heard my whole life, " what Satan meant for harm, God intended it for good" (Gen 50)

I was very encouraged by that because I feel like the Lord was talking to me. What satan meant to harm me....with twins there is more stress, lack of sleep, marriages have a higher risk of spliting up with twins, family disunity, exc. But I know that God will make good out of it and will bless us with what Satan wanted to harm and cause bad in our lives.

Looking forward the many blessings twins will bring.

18 wks with the babes

Today I was able to see Reid and Tatum on the ultrasound. The tech again said she believes we have one of each. Tatum was much more active this time around and Reid even nudged Tatum. Reid still seems to be a party animal and constantly moving.

I do not feel much movement. Here in there, maybe three times a week I will feel something. I am looking forward to the next three weeks where I will begin to feel much more defined little nudges from these two.

The dr. did an exam and said my risk for pre term labor is low. He said that means I will deliver most likely at 38 weeks. I know that I will be very uncomfortable and I will be huge, yet I will be grateful to hopefully be able to bring them straight home from the hospital. Things can always change, but that is my hope.

I have gained lots of weight...20pounds. It's more than I should gain at this point! I eat rather healthy. I have a salad everyday....I crave those! For about three weeks straight I was eating egg salad everyday. I am over that for now and into eating a cheese sandwhich with mustard on it. I love having baked cheetos after my lunch and into a glass of cold chocolate milk everyday. I usually have a pudding cup in the afternoon as well. I eat fiber one cereal and a tad bit of coffee every morning.

My clothes are fitting fine, well I should say maternity clothes. Although I am now thinking I am going to need more mediums as my pregnancy progresses. With Blake I wore all smalls. Oh well with two in the womb I am bound to be bigger.

I have tried working out. I do enjoy it, the problem is I like to rest when Blake is resting and don't want to get up in the morning cause I know in just four and half months I will have to get up early with babies. I want to enjoy my rest and sleep when I can.

It was great to see the babies today and see how active they are although I can't feel it. I go back in two weeks for a two hour appointment where they check the babies growth, weight, spine, EC.

Blakers

This is Blake's 3rd Christmas, yet the first one that he is really getting into.

We went to the mall Nov. 21st and had our picture taken with Santa. Because I think he is understanding who Santa is, he was a bit scared but eventually warmed up to him. Blake told him all the stuff he wanted for Christmas (wiggles, toy story, shrek).

For my moms Gingerbread house contest this year, he actually was into making/eating the gingerbread house. He did a great job of biting the candy first and then putting it on his house.

He is into watching Christmas movies on TV at night when daddy gets home. We usually play and then at the end we watch a Christmas movie with the Christmas tree on.

Every morning when he wakes up he asks for "special juice." I usually give him a tiny bit of "egg nog" and then when we watch our movie at night I give him some more "special juice".

He loves loves loves his advent calender this year. He points to it on the counter and says "can i do it?" I like it cause we learn to identify numbers on it...he does pretty good with it.

Blake wasn't too much into decorating the tree this year. We let him put on ornaments, but instead he wanted to play. He put on about three ornaments and that was it.

I took Blake Christmas shopping with me this year and told him the gifts were for his nephews so he wouldn't know that they were bought for him.

I love this little boy! I love how he is getting Christmas and soon we will be talking about Jesus' birthday this Christmas season. I want to read it to him every night so it sinks in just as much as Santa does.

Random: Blake has lately been into Calliou, Wiggly Waffle show, playing with his play food, and using the words : goodness and delicious.

Parenting

Somethings I have read on parenting from crosswalk.com and want to remember

*****Provide your children with the sense of security that comes when your actions are consistent with your words. (based on Matthew 5:37 from parenting by design)

*****try walking beside your kids as you lovingly allow them to experience the consequences of their choices. This is a far better way to create an environment in which a child can understand and embrace God's design for his life.
Pick your battles and avoid exasperating your kids. Eph 6:4: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (NIV). (parenting by design nov.4 2010)

*****When your children require a consequence for something they have done, consider the difference between punishment and discipline. Punishment creates a temporary break in relationship. Discipline walks alongside them through the bad choice, the way God walks alongside us as a result of Christ's sacrifice.
Show God's love by walking with your children through their bad decisions rather than causing a separation from them through punishment. 1 John 4:18: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love" (NASB). (Parent by design Oct 8)


****** Approach discipline with the understanding that you need to train your kids to develop good attitudes and actions. Remember that the root word of discipline is "disciple" and realize that disciplining your kids is a vital part of their spiritual growth. Don't make excuses for them when they behave badly. Instead, challenge them to learn how to do better, and help and encourage them along the way.
(Dr. John Rosemond crosswalk.com)

Lord is Trustworthy!

Today I was compelled during my quiet time to listen to Shane and Shane Psalm 145. I decided to look up the verse in the message version and here is what it said:

Psalm 145: 13-21

The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises
and faithful in all he does.[c]
14 The LORD upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
16 You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
18 The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

21 My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever.

Shared with me awhile

There was a song that my sister shared with me awhile ago as she was going through a trial in her life.

The lines to this song are ringing in my head today in regards to all that is going on:

There is nothing above you, there is nothing beyond you
There is nothing you can't do
Whatever will come, we will rise above
You fail us not, you fail us not

No matter the war, our hope is secure
You fail us not, you fail us not


You are bigger than the battle
Whatever will come, we'll rise above
You fail us not!!!


Peace again admits all that is going on around me these last few months. It's amazing how as I go about m day and think about everything taking place in my life right now, I get so stressed, overwhelmed, fearful, anxious, exc

Then I come to sit at my computer to look up Scripture and play worship music, and at that time I am given hope to all that is happening around me!

Thank you Lord for another day of reassuring me you are for me, my family, my friends, and my future!

15 weeks and 1 day

Today I went to got another ultrasound of the twins.

I was given six pictures of the babies by the ultrasound tech!!! I love getting pics of my precious little ones.

Baby B is curled up in like an upside down U shape. It has been and continues to be a very chill relaxed baby. It tilted it's head back and for a bit, but continued to be laid back as it was in the previous ultrasound.

Baby A was rocking and rolling in my belly. It was waving, kicking, moving it's head back and forth. It was having a good old time in there. Same as last time we saw it on the ultrasound...a very active little one!!!

I had a cervical length test in which they check for signs of pre term labor. Everything seemed to be okay and I go back in three weeks for the same type of appointment.

I have gained PLENTY of weight thus far. Kind of concerned with gaining too much too fast. Trying once again to choose healthy foods for the little ones. I have felt a little movement here and there. Maybe five times through out the week total. Should be getting more frequent as I get closer to twenty weeks.

Another Reminder I am not forgotten

Psalms 121:

I lift up my eyes to the hills where does my help come from? (v.1)
My help comes from the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth. (v.2)

He will not let your foot slip he who watches over you will not SLUMBER......(v.3)
The Lord watches over you the Lord is your shade at your hand......(v.5)

The Lord will watch over your coming and going from now and forevermore!(v.8)


My God does not sleep, my God fights for me when I don't even know it. My God keeps me from falling, My God is for me! My God doesn't sleep, he is constantly keeping me in his safe, loving, compassionate faithful hands!!!!

Once again, a reminder that through all my trails with Jason's job, planning for twins, Jason's dad, a friend's sick baby, a friend's broken marriage, a friend's barren womb, Lord....you do not SLUMBER you are constantly helping us and working behind the scenes protecting us from the enemy!

You Never Let Go

How perfect are the lyrics of David Crowder's song: You Never Let Go

Right now in my life, there is a ton going on in terms of trials. I was working out today and heard this song, and immediately felt like it spoke directly to the situations I am facing.

I have felt for some time now kind of forgotten. I have felt like I have been praying for so long for several things that have not come to pass. In hearing these lyrics today, I am reminded of several things:

1) Obviously through all that we face, through the on going trials that seem to be at our feet day after day, consuming our minds, HE WILL NEVER LET GO!

2) Ever faithful, ever true,......that is what remains through our constant trials. How could I feel forgotten by Him or pushed aside when I know in my heart He is ever faithful!

3) When disaster came, oh my soul oh my soul....fills with hope. The hope that I know He is working behind the scenes, the hope that I know that He has my future in his hands, the hope that I know He has the next minute that I breath under his control.

4) Joy and pain, in sudden rain..your the same...you never let go. In all my fear, tears, pain, heartaches, questions, I know that Jesus is the same. He is the same God that healed my marriage, he is the same God that provided a way for me to go to college, the same job that provided me a teaching job, the same job that gave us the birth of our first son Blake, the same God that has restored relationships in my life. He is the same God that parted the red sea, he is the same God that delivered from the promise land after years and years....

He is the same God that wants to help me triumph through all the trials I have going on in my life....how could I feel forgotten when I know that He is for me, when I know He hears my cries, when I know that I don't see any evidence of him working on my behalf....he is orchestrated a beautiful future for me and my family!

Thank you Lord for speaking to my heart today and giving me hope...thank you Lord for never letting me go!

Don't want to forget: Blake has been playing pretend play now more and more. He is about 37-38 months.

He is also very much into "helping mommy" clean, fold laundry, cook, wash my feet (crazy yes).

Lately too, if I tell him I am tired or dont feel good, he comes to me and says: I hug you and all better!

He still loves his bear and is doing better going potty! However, with this time change we put him to bed at 8:30 and he gets up at 6:30..killer on us. I think to myself though in five or so short months we will be getting up way earlier than that with the twins.

Still blows my mind we are having twins. I just can't seem to get over it!!!

almost 13 wks

Now that I am finally feeling better, I am able to eat a TON more!!!! I think I am starting to have cravings....meat!

Today Blake and I went outside and racked some leaves. He had a blast jumpping in them and helping me.

These are the moments of just Blake and mommy that I will miss!

Going Public

Today is the first time I am actually going public that we are expecting twins. I have known now for six weeks that we were having these two precious babies. I am now 12 weeks along and had an ultrasound today. It was amazing to see two babies wiggling around. Baby A was waving, moving around a ton and Baby B was laying there relaxed and at one point gave us a wave (in which Jason counted five fingers on his hand).

They are looking good and measuring a week ahead. Almost right next to one another...one is measuring 13 weeks and one is measuring a little over 13 weeks. They are set right next to one another and are fraternal twins! We are thinking we will have one boy and one girl.

I went and saw MFM dr today in which I will be seeing quite a bit through my pregnancy. I get lots of ultrasounds with twins which is wonderful...more views of the little ones is always fun.

Jason went with me today and just grinned and smiled and talked about how excited he is about the twins coming. We celebrated a good doctors appointment over lunch at Rock Bottom..I was able to eat a hamburger and pretzel appetizer.....so yummy!

We feel so blessed to finally be able to open about the twins and are trusting God's hand upon this whole pregnancy!

Blake is now 2.5

Blake recently turned 2.5 and he is developing so much. He is into doing puzzles and can carry on a conversation so well. The dr. told me that he has great fine and gross motor skills. She said the fact that he can talk and she, being a stranger can understand him is very good. He is in 90% weight and 50% height. Blake is still working on being potty trained.

Today I wasn't feeling well, and he said " mommy hug...you feel better" He kept giving me so many hugs today. He also is into something we call a family hug. Every night when Jason gets home we make a big circle standing up and hug eachother at the same time...a family circle hug. He loves it! He asks for it! He gets the biggest smile on his face when we do our family hug.

Lastly, Jason has to give him a kiss, hug, and rub on head and me a kiss, hug, and rub on head before he leaves for work. He thought Jason forgot one morning and ran after him. "Daddy me hug! Daddy me hug!" My dad told me that's how I was when I was a kid.

Recently

Blake has recently started praying out loud with us. He will begin his prayers...usually it's "Jesus...mumble...mumble....Amen!" I love those moments!!!

Currently

Currently as I type this, Blake is having one of his moments. What I mean by that is he is having a melt down and is refusing to clean up his toys. He is in timeout and is not allowed to have mommy hold him or have bear. He has been throwing his tantrum for twenty min now.

Everything in me wants to snuggle that boy, hold him, kiss him, and clean up the toys for him. It pains me to have to see him so upset and screaming so loud.

I however have a responsibility to follow Proverbs 22:6 "train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it"

Picking up the toys for him or holding him right now wouldn't be the best way to train him.

I can't wait for him to follow the rules so that I can actually hold him and love on him...come on little one...what a reward when you pick up the toys...more snuggle time with mom!

Yepo...yepo

Well...we had the OB appointment today. I went in and they put the external ultrasound on my belly and she said, "I see one hearbeat for sure." Then she was quiet and she said, " I think I see two"

She decided to do an internal ultrasound to get a better picture, and sure enough...she saw two beating heartbeats in the 130s and confirmed twins.

Jason and I are shocked and overwhelemd. We feel blessed God would see us fit to be parents to three children.

I called my mom first = cried
Called my dad next = I cried, he talked to Jason, he said it's going to be okay and we will stand by you through this
Bethany = screamed and so excited
Then texted Kimberly, Kelly, Judith, Julie, and Janna.....they are all happy for us and Janna was shocked too.

Everyone is happy, everyone is excited, everyone is so eager to help, and everyone is wondering if one will be a girl.

So let the crazy, exciting, journey begin!

ps- last night I had a dream I had twins...sure enough today..boom yepo..yepo...I am a mother of mulitples!

Sharing

I am trying to teach Blake to share. We do at least one playdate a week in which he is given plenty of opportunities to learn how to share his toys with his friends.

This morning, I was preparing him for the kids that were about to come over. I was telling him that when his friends get here we don't take toys out of their hands and we don't yell "MINE"

I then began to tell the story of the little boy in the Bible who shared his lunch with those who didn't have any. I told him it made Jesus so happy that the little boy shared. I went on to say how Jesus wants Blake to share too. My little boy looked at me with both of his palms up and says, "where Jesus mommy?" I told him in heaven and next to him....her precedes to say, "but where he go?"

I love that boy! I can only hope he can know where Jesus is at a very young age!

Rough one

It's been a rough two weeks here. Potty training Blake has consumed me. He's done pretty well, but I can't ever be lazy about it. It's very intentional on my part. Timing the last time he went, watching for signs he is about to go, and then trying to entertain and keep him excited to go on the potty.

On top of it, he has been waking up at 7:00 and only taking about an hour nap. That means I am unable to do my morning chores and get ready before he awakens and I have just enough time to read my bible, straighten the house, and eat a snack before he wakes up from his nap.

As a result of being drained with potty training (which is so worth it to me) and him not sleeping much, I have been on edge with him. I have realized that my patience level has been very slim. I go to bed at night wishing I would have handled situations better. My temper, fatigue, frustration has definitely won instead of my peace, patience, and understanding.

I have decided I need to be more at ease and never get tired of doing good...never get tired of doing the right thing when dealing with Blake.

I have come to realize to be a good parent takes lots of work and energy. It would be easy for me to let things go and not stay on top of discipline. I however have a responsibility to God to raise Blake with morals, to love the Lord, and do honor and respect those in his life.

I will do what I can and offer myself daily as a vessel to be used by God to mold and shape my child....what a CALLING that is!

Round 1 for number 3 (written in Sept.)

First appointment today for the little one came on the 3rd month anniversary of when we lost our 2nd child. It was hard and I became a bit teary eyed as we discussed our action plan for this pregnancy.

We decided to go ahead and take some blood to see where my levels are. It's critical to have good progesterone levels. The Dr. then said that we would go ahead and test again on Thursday. Hoping to get results Friday that they have doubled. If all goes well, then Sept. 28th we will do an ultrasound for a heartbeat. If a heartbeat is detected then the chance for miscarriage goes down to 3-4%.

Praying my levels go up, praying I get a heartbeat on Sept. 28th. I get nervous about every little thing. Should I feel this, why am I not feeling this? It's a battle I fight mentally and a battle I fight in prayer.

And the due date for this little one is May 10, 2011....crazy it's the day I miscarried our 2nd child.

This is for my personal records

Taking note of what the approach was for Blake to be potty trained.

When Blake was 18 months old he was asking to sit on the potty. He would cry because he wanted to sit on it so bad. We decided to wait to potty train til he was in a big boy bed (which was super easy for him). Once he was in the big boy bed for about a month and a half we started to potty train.

I talked about going on the potty for several weeks and who goes on the potty: mommy, daddy, b, parker, kent, meg, ryan, brieg, sage, exc.

We talked about how they all wear big boy and girl underwear. We watched elmo on potty and read potty books.

Often he would observe mommy and daddy on potty. He wanted to use the potty so bad, but instead of telling him no I would tell him soon.

The week before we were going to start using the potty I let him pick one out and I set it up in the bathroom. I talked through what was going to happen in a couple days. He was going to sit on potty, go pee pee and get candy if he did. He then went to walmart and picked out his own underwear with daddy (toy story and elmo).

The night before we were potty training I had a crate with his name on it and bought all new books from the dollar store. I showed him the crate and put it next to the potty and explained that when he sits on the potty he can read his new books.

The day came when we began to do the actual potty training. In talking to family who has done it before, I decided Blake would wear underwear and we would show him that we had no diapers left! We decided that in addition to that we would give him lots to drink that day. I knew he was going to have accidents, but by giving him lots to drink he is bound to make it to potty at least once in the day.

So Monday Aug. 23rd was the day! He woke up and came downstairs and I told him that the diapers are all gone and it's time to pick out which underwear he wanted to wear. We sat him on the potty first thing in the morning and he was successful! He went! The day carried on with four accidents that morning. I put him on the potty every fifteen min (with the timer dinging to let us know when) and he would sit for five min or so. We would read all his new books while he was trying to go. Several times when we began to sit on the potty he would often go two or three min after getting up. That was maddening for me....we were so close to catching it. The day went on we continued to sit on the potty now every 20 min or so. We had more successes that day as we progressed into the evening.

I will never forget the first time he went pee in the potty! His eyes got so big and he had the biggest smile on his face. I was so proud of him!!! We started out his reward for going on the potty the first day and a half was getting three or four M&Ms and doing the potty dance with mommy and daddy...accompanied by Blake playing the guitar.

Day 1 went pretty good with several accomplished potty times. I think giving him lots to drink...making him lots to drink making him have to pee often it taught him what the peeing sensation was and then I in return had to look for warning signs he was going to pee and keep a timer as well.

It consumed all of me...day 1 of potty training is all I did! I would look at the timer and see if he was grabbing himself, getting big eyes, or standing still for a few seconds. Then if any of those happened I put him on the potty.

Day 2 was better. The morning was rough we had five accidents in the morning on day 2, but then we go the swing of it and by 11 that day he remembered what to do and there were 8 successes the rest of the day. On day two I decided to go ahead and add a sticker book as a reward. Anytime he went potty he would get to put a sticker in his book.

Day 3 was amazing! No poop on day one or two..he didn't want or just choose not to go! Day three he had no accidents til when daddy walked in the door. I was so proud of Blake! He went poo on potty twice and once right next to potty. I was impressed that had no accidents and now...he tells me peee mommmy pee!

I still ask him, but am glad he at times can recognize on his own as well.

Day 4 which is today! He woke up as we always do and uses the potty right away! Firs thing we do is kiss, hug, and use potty! I have stayed in the house since Monday when we began potty training....I am so tempted to venture out in public now and see how he does in the REAL world!

We haven't touch potty training at night. We let him wear a pull up for nap and bedtime. I am trying to focus on during the day first.

I am wondering what will be different with our next child. Will they be interested in the potty as early as Blake was...will wearing underwear right away be the route to go?

I just know that my cleaning supplies are still on my counter for when accidents happen: disinfectant wipes, 409, resolve, and a spray bottle of vinegar and water. I used those TONS the first two days...now 409 is what we use to clean potty out!

The teacher in me enjoyed potty training. The sense of accomplishment we both felt when he was successful was so rewarding. The number of successes far out weighed the number of accidents. Even if we had just three successes it kept me going. I believed Blake could do it! I was so happy for him!

As I was...

praying today I was offering my heart to the Lord. Offering All of me...completly...everything...the fear...the doubt...the brokenness...the hurt...and when I was doing so a realization hit me....he LOVES me. With all the pieces of my heart that are struggling right now, he LOVES me. What a true overwhelming sense I had come over me that nothing can or will separate us from the love of Christ.

I had read in my devotions last week how one of the functions of the Holy Spirit is to confirm to us our relationship with Christ. Today, I can say that was fully accomplished as I was praying.

Thank you Lord that you love EVERY SINGLE part of me!!!!

Little Dry

My walk with the Lord recently has been a bit rough. With our miscarriage in May, Jason's dad recent diagnosis of cancer spreading, waiting for God to answer some other families prayer requests, and Jason's current job situation I have been left questioning where is the Lord in all this.

I know what I have been raised with and know what I have then grown to believe on my own. I know that God is in all my questioning right now. I know he is okay with it and ultimately, I know it will deepen my walk with the Him. With these questions I know satan is hoping for me to be distant from the Lord...however I know I will draw closer to the Jesus during this time.

If anything what I am dealing with here is not just questions, but a spiritual battle.

During my devotion time I read somethings that really stuck out to me and have given me a hope:

*Prayer and faith are the way to victory
*Security is in the name of the Lord
*In the victories there is joy and glory

A line to a song I keep repeating:
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain

May came and went and so did life

Jason and I decided that we were going to try and expand our family in April. We became successful and were so excited to announce to family Mother's Day weekend of our little peanut.

Two days after the announcement came a fearful dreaded event that I never imagined I would go through .....we miscarried the precious growing baby.

I won't forget that day...ever! My dad came right to my house and sat with me til my mom and grandma could get there. When he came into the door, he gave me a long hug and said..."The Lord is the giver and taker of life...He gives and takes away" That in itself made me feel like I didn't cause the miscarriage, but it was God's plan for our family. I had to be content and okay with it.

It's been three months and it has taken me sometime to be "okay" with it. Not that I will ever be....but I know the more I share this pain that I have experienced, the more I realize there are many other women who have walked that same road.

I trust that the Lord is the giver and taker of life, and trust that when he sees fit he will give us another little peanut to love and be apart of our family!

Fighting with Jason

Jason and I often argue over who can put Blake to sleep at night. We both love to do it because it's an opportunity for affection and love from and to our son. I am able to put Blake down for a nap, so Jason feels like he should get to put him to bed.

Last night, I won! I was able to put the little man to sleep. The routine used to be: read book on mom/dad's bed, pray, rock and sing to sleep in chair in bedroom.

now it's lay down in his big boy bed, pray, and then sing to him. Hsere is the thing though, when we sing him to sleep he lays on his belly and I lay on mine. He wraps his little arm around my neck to give me a hug. I rest my cheek on his cheek and we hum together "Ti's So Sweet to Trust in Jesus" and then.....he says...mommy leave.

I miss those days of rocking him to sleep, but I do love the little hug around the neck as we sing our good night song!

Been hit

Since May, we have been hit with several difficult issues. I will stand firm and hold true to what I know in God's word to help me get through it. There are times where I feel weak and feel like will it get better, but when I read Scripture and put on worship music it all fades away. Hopefully, situations will begin to work out and things will begin to get brighter....I am thankful through it all I have God's sovereign hand upon my life and my family's life!

Exodus 14:14
The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still!

Too much

Too much for mommy!

Blake had his first night in his big boy bed. We gave Blake our bedroom set because we got a new one. He felt so special that he got a pillow (first time sleeping with one) and he was able to sleep in "mommy and daddy's bed" He didn't get out once, not even when he woke up in the morning. Hopefully nap time will be just as smooth and the nights to come as well.

I am so proud of him, yet so sad that the crib (his old bed) is put in the what will be someday the new baby's room.

Now on our checklist we will potty train sometime this fall I think....just want to make sure before we do that the big boy bend is conquered.

Amazed

Today I celebrate 6 years with Jason. I am amazed at God's hand of blessing on our marriage through the 6 years. In the 6 years we have been married, we have gone through what most couples don't through in the first ten years of marriage. I never imagined we would be where we are today. I am forever grateful that we both found the good in one another worth fighting for. When others didn't believe in us, when others advised us to move on and quit...we continued to push on and go forward. I contribute our long journey and making it through some of the toughest times to Christ. . He has been our rock, he has been so faithful, and his promises to bless us has been more than we could have imagined.

I love you Jason, and as we say: we have at least 54 more years of life together!

Start of what will be added to

Blake's language:

hold you mommy: when he wants to be held
otay: okay
dejesus: Jesus
how to: (now replaced with the right word) my turn
fimming: swimming
ficecream: ice cream
tookie: cookie

I love how he tries to say his words. He may not say it right, but I have already seen him correct himself to the right pronunciation.

mixed

I have mixed feelings today with it being teachers last day of school. I go back to the emotions I had when my students would leave me for the year. It was so sad to say good bye to some of them and yet so exciting to begin my time off for the summer. Now that I am not teaching, I think about what it was like at the end of may, the end of the school year....and to be honest...I really do miss teaching. I know people say I can always go back and do it again, but to work with the same staff and parents I had will never be! I miss and I enjoyed that season in my life.

Recycle

I know I posted this song several months back....but once again it's on my mind.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

I've learned

I have always thought contentment was in regards to being content with what you have: the house you live in, the car you drive, the clothes you wear, exc.

Recently, I think God is teaching me to be content on where he has me and situations that are happening in my life that are beyond my control.

Stink!

Life is a bit disappointing right now in several areas.

Wondering

Wondering what it means for my family to "sacrifically" give?

So nice yet so sad

I went to see a hematologist yesterday to discuss my blood clots. The dr. I went to go see is a hematologist but also a cancer dr. He was so nice and patient with me and all my questions. We talked for at least a half hour. He even took time to tell me a personal story that happened when he was working with one of his patients. It was sad though....when I walked to use the restroom, there were cancer patients getting treatment....they were all lined up and hooked up to a machine. It broke my heart! A part of me wanted to sit and talk with them, just be a friend to them....and then a part of me wanted to turn my head and not even look because it broke my heart so much.

Needless to say my appointment went well. They are doing more blood work to determine if my blood clots were genetic or caused by my c-section. I have been wondering that question for over two years now, I am so excited to finally get results! The good news is he looked at my lump in my throat and he also said it's not a concern to him. So he is the third dr. to say that! Praise the Lord!

Little one

I don't know what's going on...maybe it's part of turning two..not sure.

You aren't napping. You are exhausted and you start to fall asleep in my arms but then when I put you down in your crib you scream! Scream for an hour or more (of course I go in and sooth every 5/10/15 min.) At bed time you are also doing the same thing. My heart hurts for you because I know you need the nap and will not do so. You have also started to twitch and jerk in your sleep. When I called the dr. to ask questions about it, they said not to worry. Of course as your mother, I have already cried over it and prayed over you about it.

I can only hope this is a few day stage thing for you and you snap out of it and begin to sleep soundly, peacefully, and long.

When praying for family today.....

This song came to my mind:

The blood that Jesus shed for me,
'Way back on Calvary;
The blood that gives me strength from day to day,
It will never lose its power.


It reaches to the highest mountain,
It flows to the lowest valley,
The blood that gives me strength form day to day,
It will never lose its power.

It soothes my doubts and calms my fears,
And it dries all my tears;
The blood that gives me strength from day to day,
It will never lose its power.

The Blood that gives : hope, healing, strength, joy, may it be ours today in each situation we face!

Revisit

I revisited my old journals from college and really enjoyed reading my thoughts on life. Even though I had my struggles during that time, I was so close to the Lord then. I am grateful I have kept those journals and am able to review them from time to time.

Something I reviewed recently was an issue with my health. In 2002 I had a lump in my throat and I ended up having x-ray and an ultrasound done on. From that report, the referred me to a specialist who then decided not to operate on the lump. In the past month or so, I had noticed the lump and grew concerned about it once again. I couldn't remember what the dr. said about the lump back in 2002, but thankfully I had my journal to review it. Dr. Altimari had looked at my throat and decided not to operate on it and told me that lump will always be apart of me from now on. Nothing to worry about, but will always be there.

With Jason and I wanting and thinking about trying for another baby sometime this year, I really would like to have a clean bill of health. I decided to go to my current dr. (westerholm) and have them recheck the lump in my throat. My dr. today told me not to worry about the lump and that it will always be in my throat. I was relieved to not have to worry about something that had consumed my mind the past two months. In addition to my dr. looking at my throat, she also began to talk to me about my blood clots from my pregnancy with Blake. She said based on my blood work done in 2008, most likely my blood clot was caused by my c-section, not a disorder that I have. She then refereed me to a hematologist who will talk to me about what to do with the fact of having a history of blood clots. Having had blood clots in the lungs is much more serious than having them in the legs.....so the dr. wanted to take precaution on that whole issue.

I am thankful that God took care of me today. I had prayed prior to the appointment that the dr. wouldn't want me to get another ultrasound or x-ray of my throat to look at the lump. She didn't request that at all during my appointment. She did request blood work to check out my blood count, kidney, liver, thyroid, and iron. But she said she is not thinking she will find anything alarming in those results.

As I opened my Bible today, I read

Psalms 12:5-6
But I trust in your unfailing love, my heart rejoices in your salvation I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me!

God is good, Yes...he is good ALL the time!

Leaning on this:

Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know "Thus saith the Lord"


Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Himo'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

O how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
Just in simple faith to plunge me
"Neath the healing, cleansing flood!


Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.


I'm so glad I learned to trust Him,
Precious Jesus, saviour, friend;
And I know that He is with me,
Will be with me to the end.

Learning once again.......

to put into practice all I have been taught about the Lord. My trust, my strength, and my peace have to come from him!

My thoughts on my blog

I have been so consumed with thoughts of President Obama lately. I know when he was elected he promised "change" Change is fine with me, however I feel like what he is changing is so drastic. From health care to now nuclear treaty arms....to abortions and gays. I feel like as a conservative I am a minority. What I believe based on my faith and the Bible doesn't matter anymore. It's hard to find those in this world who believe what I believe. I honestly do feel like an alien as it says in the Bible.

There is just something about Obama that makes me feel uneasy and brings alot of concern. It's hard for me honestly not to cringe when I see him on the news. I have to do what the Bible calls me to do and that is pray for my leader. I am however extremely grateful that the true leader in this world is Christ and the leader of my life and family is Jesus. I can choose him to lead safely, securely, and peacefully! Oh the joys of knowing Jesus!!!!!

On purpose

Little one.....
When I am laying on the floor playing with you, you will grab my face with your little chubby hands and then turn my cheek to your lips and give me a big kiss! When you do that, I jerk up and scream and you just laugh and laugh. I do it over and over just to get some extra kisses and hugs from you. I love our little games we play.

In the mind of Sharonie:

I wonder:
* When will Blake stop taking an afternoon nap
* What new recipes I will learn this summer
* What the next three months hold for the Sidell clan
* If there will be a major world disaster in America
* What ministry Jason and I will get involved in
* How our summer will be with storms
* Will we have good weather on vacations coming up?
* If I will impact someone's life
* If Jason's job is secure
* Will gas keep going up this summer
* Will I make a new friend in the next couple months...will old friends fade away?

Oh the mind of Sharonie never stops...it keeps going and going and wondering and wondering.......

8:01 am

Blakers.....today we get to sing to you your favorite song for real..."Happy Birthday" Yepo at 8:01 today you were born to us two years ago. I will never forget the details of that day. And to think you are about 21 pounds more than what you were two years ago and so much taller too. You amaze me in your vocabulary for a two year old and how smart you are! I hope soon you will know more of who Jesus is and his love for you!

I love you dearly and can't wait for your Elmo Party on Saturday. Daddy and I bought you a Car (much like the red and yellow ones) that you sit in....but this one plays music, and a home depot drill saw. I can't wait to go to Chucky Cheese with you and daddy tonight! You are a big boy now and so independent. I love you and am so blessed to be your mommy!

Replay

Oh little one...sometimes when you are in bed, I replay things you say through out the day and then I miss you!

Changes

Blake turns two in a few weeks and ALL of the sudden we have encountered new territory. He has fought to go to bed...when before we would rock him for two min. and he would tell us "night night momma" He has now started to throw tantrums. I know it's normal and part of learning for a child to control themselves, but again new territory for us as parents.

We have decided a few things since we have encountered these new happenings with Blake.

1) Bedtime is now 8:30 instead of 8. We read a few books before bed instead of snuggling in bed watching TV. Nap time is also moved a half hour ahead to 1:45 instead of 2:15. With these changes...he has gone to bed a bit smoother for us. It wasn't easy at first and he cried for 15 -20 min the first three nights...but now he has adjusted to the changes.

2) Throwing tantrums...we put him in a safe place and we let him do his deal and remind him mommy and daddy are ready to talk to him when he stops.

With Blake changing...our routines change...and hopefully mommy and daddy can be in tuned to the Lord and have wisdom in how to deal with the new happenings of a two year old!

Biggest Debate

Lately I have wondered what to do about Blake's 2nd birthday. Do we have just family or do we have friends and family? I have decided that I am going to have just family. I love the big birthdays for the sole reason that Blake LOVES PEOPLE and he LOVES KIDS...therefore to have lots of his friends and family together at once he would so enjoy. The reason I am going just family is because down the road there will be plenty of years to have a friends party. This way by just having family, they can steal all the hugs and kisses they want from him!

Blessing in the delay

I have talked to many of you on the phone about this, but I wanted to journal it and not forget what I learned.

Jason and I have been buying furniture for our home. We had seen chairs at Pier One that we loved and thought would really go well in our dining room. I had eyed them one day and told Jason we needed to purchase them. We ended up getting two initially to see if they worked...and they did! We love them. We had decided we would go back and purchase six more chairs. I was so anxious to get all six chairs around the table and wanted it so bad! I just wanted a complete set. My husband had decided he wanted to order new Chase cards that had some benifts to it when spending so much money. He wanted us to purchase the chairs and put it on the cardt. So I had to wait and wait for the Chase card to come in the mail. It finally came, I called Jason that day and said, we can get our chairs now. But then I looked closer and the envelope the card came in was opened and showed the account number. I was so annoyed because we had to order a new card, leaving us to wait longer to get our chairs. Ugh! Well needless to say, a few days later came our Chase card and then we were able to get the chairs for our dining room table.

On to this past Tuesday night (about two weeks after we ordered our chairs). Jason was searching Pier One's website to find captain chairs for the dining room table. He turns to me and suddenly says...oh my goodness, would you believe this....Pier One has our dining room chairs on sale for $40 less than what we paid for them. I was kind of sick over it. Thinking that stinks chunks! We just paid full price for each chair and now they are on sale! Ugh! Jason told me to call in the morning and ask if we could have a price adjustment.

With the suggestion from my cousin, I went on their website to see what the policy was for a price adjustment. It said that you had to buy the product within in two weeks to be able to get the money back. Well I look at the receipt and wouldn't you know we had one more day to do it!

Thank God we got the money adjustment for the chairs. And with what we were given back, it paid for one of the chairs and then some.

Here is my lesson: I was so annoyed that the Chase card took so long to come to the house and that we were having to wait to order the chairs I had my heart set on. However, if we would have bought those chairs anytime sooner, we would not have made the two week mark for the price adjustment. It was the Lord who had Jason find the chairs on sale on their website with a day to spare....and it was the Lord who delayed the Chase card....so that we could be blessed and get a chair basically free.

***** There are blessings in the delays....and God is still working on our behalf!

I know crazy lesson for me to learn over furniture and a Chase card....but grateful for me to be reminded of God's perfect plan for my life in ALL area!

Overnight with my husband

Jason and I had a gift given to us for a night in a hotel in the city. We were so blessed to have had a night to ourselves in a hotel right by Mag mile. Weber grill was our choice for restaurant for the night. The food was wonderful! Then we walked along the mag mile to look for some winter hats. We found some hats for $3!!! We walked along the city streets. It wasn't cold at all, but so freeing for some reason. I had always wanted to go ice skating with Jason because he was a big hockey stud in high school and wanted to see him strut his stuff on the ice and teach me a few things. We decided to walk to skate on State street. A good mile or so walk from our restaurant. We get there and it was PACKED! However no one was on the ice. Everyone was standing on the ice watching ice dancers. We thought we missed the open skate. However...two min after that they opened the ice for the public. We quickly got in line to rent skates, and were fifth in line. Suddenly while waiting a man tapped Jason and asked if we were in line to rent skates...of course our answer was YES! He very nicely said the line was outside around the corner...there were several hundred people in line. We decided that we could wait to sake on State. But then my wonderful husband saw a sign for more outside skating just a few blocks away. We walked there and were able to enjoy a not so crowded skating rank. It was so fun!!! Jason pulled me around several times, he skated and showed off for me a bit, and then I skated arm in arm with him very slowly. I didn't fall once!

We enjoyed our night out and feel blessed to have had the chance for an overnight together in such a wonderful city.

More winter:

Some more winter activities in the Sidell house is cooking, throwing the ball over the edge of the staircase, and playing with snow in the house.

Photo session

Blake and I took pictures of each other. I took one of us....I took one of him...and then Blake took one of me. I think he might be a bit talented at photography :)

Never want to forget

Blake (at 23 months old)

* saying ciao when leaving the room
* he is so used to having people over that he sits on the stairs staring out the door waiting for someone to come over...he'll ask...mimi...pop pop...addie
* yelling "to you" when rocking him to sleep so we sing "Happy Birthday"
* Sitting with daddy and reading the newspaper on Sunday morning
* Helping clean (swifter, vacuums, fold clothes, make the bed)
* When Blake is doing something he is not suppose to do he says "mommmmmmmmmy" and I look at him and he's eating playdough or touching the TV...he tells on himself
* Getting a bowl from the drawer when I say cereal
* Starting at 20 months to say "Mommy potty poo"
* Loving to tackle and take mommy and daddy down
* Loves to play catch
* When I get him from nap he won't look at my and is smiling ear to ear...I say to him "you are so silly" and then he laughs and looks at me
* Always said "hi" to strangers in the store
* Loves kids
* New word that is said many times a day "mine"
* Bows his head, folds his hand, and sqints his eyes to pray
* Love tookies (cookies)
* Runs to see daddy and greet him at the door when he comes home
* Asks for mimi, pop pop, colbi, parker, kent, B, and J everyday and my response everyday is they are at work or home
* Love bank (blanket) and bear
* Learning colors and everything is blue
* Could play with playdough all day
* Just started to enjoy painting
* Loves having Addie over for a playdate
* Enjoy skyping family members
* Gets his coat and tries to put it on along with his hat and shoes


So much more, but these are what stood out to me the most lately

This quake has me thinking

I was woken up at 4:00 this morning by an earthquake. I didn't think it was one happening. I laid there while it happened and felt the house shake and heard the rattle. I then walked the floors and looked outside to see if it was a train, snowplow, or anything else. I was too tired to look online or turn the news on to see if it really was an earthquake. Instead I prayed myself back to sleep.

When I woke up and saw the headlines on the computer and TV it was confirmed there was an earthquake. I knew it...I wasn't going crazy. It was about 4.3 magnitude.

As I sit here and think about this earthquake, I am reminded of how there was one in 2008 at 4:00 in the morning that was felt in our area. I couldn't help but think....wow...the two years Blake has been alive, there have been two earthquakes that have happened where he has lived. And in the 30 years that I have been alive I have had a total of two.

I can't help but realize how different the times are we live in. Blake experiences more earthquakes, more economy problems, more people okay with gay and lesbians, more of a changing and shaky world than what I had experienced growing up. What I want to do as a parent is make his life as secure and normal as I can among all these negative things going on around him. Most importantly I want to teach him the world is a shaky hard place to live and things around us are so uncertain, but we serve a loving God who is constant, never changing, and steady!

Help me to live my life to be that living example to my son!

Partnership

Being a parent and being on the same page as your spouse can be such a reward!

Change, Transition, and Risk

Monday Jan. 11th
I feel as though change, transition and taking a risk is in our near future. I keep reading about it, sermon about it, and feel my conversations are consumed with it. We just turned down a position to go to IN for a job promotion, but I still feel like God is preparing us to take a risk in something and getting out of our comfort zone wanting us to trust him more. I heard a song on the radio on Sunday to help me be okay with change in our future. The song had a line that said, "God above all my hopes and fears....I am gonna be alright"

Not sure what that means, but I am anxious for God to reveal it to me. I am not sure if it means a job relocation. I am hoping it doesn't mean $ problems. We have been in such a comfort zone when it comes to his job, home, family in area, be staying home as a mom...that I hope it's none of those things. But I would be okay with relocating our family for Jason's job to make more $. Basically IN would have been a risk, change, and a position to where God would want to trust him, but it involved Jason traveling more adn being gone till 8 at night most nights. We felt for our family that this was not a job for a young growing family. Jason couldn't do faith and family first if he took that job. By saying no...Jason and I felt like we were sticking to priorities and to what would honor God.

As I feel change, transition, and risk is in our future.....I await in prayer and anticipation to see how and when this will all come about.

Wednesday January 13th
Today I read this in my devotions: Women must step out of their cozy comfort zones accept God's invitation to journey onward. When we sense the unmistakable stirring of the Holy Spirit beckoning us to a deeper walk, we have to decide to do what will stretch us. Fear of Change and the desire to avoid challenge often stand in the way of a believer's growing into an experiential relationship with God.

Call me crazy...but to feel in my heart on Saturday and Sunday that God does want to take us out of our comfort zone and then to read on Monday about taking risks and today about fear of change.... I see God is preparing us for something. I am willing to do and go wherever Christ may want me and my family. What is God stirring in my heart and when will I begin to see what all this prep is for?

Wanted it gone!

Oh little one. About two months ago, I was wanting to get rid of your pacie. I talked to daddy about it and decided when you turned two it was going to go bye bye. I even talked to the doctor last week about how when you turn two that it is recommend for you to not have the pacie anymore.

Tuesday night you were laying in bed with daddy and me doing our nightly wind down routine. I wanted you to tell daddy something, so I tried to get your pacie out of your mouth and you wouldn't let it go. You were so determined to keep it, that you tore part of it off. I told daddy that there was no way you could sleep with a dangling pacie like that. We looked around the house for a spare, and we couldn't find one. We put you to bed that night with no pacie. It was so cute though. I went to rock you night night and you kept talking to me. You wouldn't stop talking. Finally, daddy put you night night. You did great with out the pacie that night! Well...little one....from that point on you have not had a pacie. You ask for it and we say "ALL GONE!"

I am so glad that getting rid of pacie hasn't been a hassle and that we were able to get rid of it before you were two!!! Yipppeeeeee!!!

Now what's on mommy's mind is trying to set you up for a big boy bed in the near future and even in the next six months or so starting to potty train!